A.O. Avalon

Deep beneath my house in the homeland, where the earth is dry and the sun hot. This isn't a complete sentence. As norris pointed out, this seems to be a ...

Well, that's why you have all your wonderful, proof-reading friends at YWS. _________ _____________ ______________ Picky stuff first: Councillor Armen was worried, for several, differing reasons. Just

One little thing: Awful weather joins to. "To" should be "too". It could be a little longer. Maybe you could describe why you hate finals? Gala and I have finals ...

Do you remember the day you read this at Quartz? More importantly, do you remember what happened as a result? Ahh, we were but children... Couple of technical things... but ...

Your writing, in general, has become alot more mature and focused. It's been very flavo(u)rful, you're definetly coming into your own. I really enjoy this poem. Is the wine a ...

Placing his hand in mine, “Terry. And it was the only flavor they had.” He winked This is a little disjointed... i think maybe "and with a wink he strolled ...

Dr. Seuss' high school art teacher hated the way he drew, and critized him endlessly. Critisim here isn't malicously here... especially if it comes from Tess...that was one of the ...

I have an idea of where you're going with the song, and i like it. have you considered making the year of it's release be the year of Hana's death? ...

Yet, still, he was, but his own admittance, a selfish man But should obviously be by..... But a bag of gold coins could change a man’s heart, and if he ...

Two picky little things: A tall man If you've already introduced his character, then "THE tall man" would work better, because it indicates that this is a specific tall man, ...

I like this poem an awful lot, I just feel like it's missing a few pieces. He swigs on his can, watching out for the Merc, Another client telling his ...

Pain eased itself through every pore in my body Eased isn't working for me... It's too gentle a word, it doesn't fit with the rest of the images. A tad ...

I see a fairy... maybe she wants to fall in love? become human? balance the budget? Who knows. I liked it, but I feel as if though the last line ...

i love this! it's a breath of fresh air, very unique. I just have one little spot that's bugging me... A frayed yellow towel around your midriff is your neighbor ...

i can not wait to hear you read this out loud. i enjoy this alot, and i envy your talents with stream-of-consciousness immensley. you slow down after "one more day" ...